I woke up this morning, not knowing what day it was. Graham was beside
me, as usual. The only reason I woke up as myself was because I had to turn off
my alarm clock, and instead of grabbing it, I grabbed Daniel’s coin. I hid it
before Graham woke up and had a chance to see it, but I know I didn’t put it
there. I would never remove it from my coat pocket. I can only assume she saw
the coin while she was in control and it didn’t bring me back! Maybe it did
this morning because I just woke up and was vulnerable. Or maybe she’s just
playing with me? What is apparent to me is I can no longer count on Daniel’s
coin and items from home to keep me present.
How long I have to write this entry into my diary is unknown. I probably
shouldn’t
I know I stepped away because Henry needed something. I know it wasn’t
to drive him to school, as he walks now. There’s no telling now who will be
behind the wheel, and Henry values his life too much.
The fact that I am presently in control would be surprising, except I
believe she’s sending me another message. When I came to, I was standing in my
room. On the floor in front of me, all of the pages from the book of riddles
had been ripped out. Why would I need a help manual if I won’t be in charge,
anymore? All the pages were torn in half, save one with a picture of a candle
on it.
Despite her attempts at telling me I have no control over myself, I have
discovered that I remain myself when writing in this diary. I wondered if just
having the diary with me would be effective, and decided to test this. Shortly
after coming to, the click of the front door let me know Henry was home. I
grabbed my diary and took a good look at it. It’s a very ornate book: black
leather cover with large jewels encrusted into it. The last thing I needed was
for Henry to think this was something he needed to investigate. I couldn’t just
slap a sticker over it that said “Planner” on it, but I hoped that he might
ignore it if I didn’t make a big deal about it. I grabbed a blanket off my bed,
wrapped it around myself and held the diary in my blanket-covered hands. Of
course, if my plan didn’t work and I couldn’t control myself around Henry, my
son might be witness to my possessed body putting on another book-shredding
show. I held the book close to my chest and made my way to Henry’s door.
“Don’t come in.” Henry’s voice sounded muffled on my side of the door.
“I just wanted to talk.” So far, I was still me. “How are you?”
“I’m fine.”
“How was school?”
“Fine.”
“May I come in now?”
“Why?”
“I’d like to see who I’m talking with. Make sure it’s my son and not an
imposter.”
The door opened for me. I caught the end of Henry’s sigh before he went
back to his desk and faced his computer. I came in and sat on the edge of his
bed.
“What are you working on?”
“Homework.” The slightly higher tone of his voice, combined with the
speed in which he said it was homework, suggested it wasn’t actually homework.
Not from school, anyway. “What book is that?”
“Just something Dr. Hopper suggested.” I held it closer to me. “A
self-help book.”
Henry seemed satisfied with that answer and went back to his computer. I
looked around at all of the items that filled his room. Each drawing of a
dragon, every book, every article of clothing, was a piece in the story of his
life here with me. I was drawn to something on his bed. I reached out for it,
but was careful to hold my diary close to me.
“I can’t believe you still have this blanket.” I pulled it around to my
lap and felt the soft fabric through my fingers.
“It’s the only thing I have of my mom’s.” His words were meant to hurt
me, and it worked. The blanket almost fell from my hand, but I held on.
“Your birth-mother, yes.” I wasn’t here to start an argument. “I
remember when I first got you. You were wrapped in it when they gave you to me
in Arizona.”
Henry perked up at this. I’d never told him where I got him from.
“Where in Arizona?” He turned from his screen to look at me.
“Phoenix.” Having served its
purpose, I set the blanket down. “It’s hard to believe sometimes that it’s
almost been eleven years since I brought you all the way home. Before you know
it, I’m sure you’ll be out of this house.” I got up to leave, but turned around
to face him before I left. “I’m going to order pizza tonight.”
“Okay.” His smile and raised eyebrows were urging me out the door. I’d
placed a gem in my son’s hand, and it was now up to him to decide what to do
with it.
As for me, my experiment seemed to have worked. I made it downstairs
with my diary as myself. Not to mention, I’ve been able to write all of this
without so much as a dizzy spell. I suppose I should have tried this a while
ago, but I always assumed I was safe with Daniel’s coin, at least. Besides, it
would be far too great a risk if this diary came into the wrong hands. That
already happened once with that doctor, I couldn’t imagine what would happen if
a townsperson got a hold of it.
The pizza came quickly, and I called up to Henry to get his own slice.
Too many objects in my hands might cause me to drop one, after all.
“Mom! I forgot to ask you!” Henry bolted downstairs and zoomed into the
kitchen. This was the most energetic I’d seen him in months.
“Ask me what?” I bit into a particularly cheesy bite. I gave him the
most focused look I could to him while trying to finish the string of
mozzarella hanging between my slice and my teeth.
“Billy—a friend of mine—from school—“ he built his story, “Billy has a
thing he wants me to go to with him tomorrow, and it’s an all-day thing.”
“What kind of thing?”
“It’s an event—at the park—a soccer game.” He grabbed a plate and lifted
the lid to the pizza box, plopped a slice onto his plate and grabbed at least
seven napkins.
“I’m not sure. It’s been very rainy, this month.”
“That’s why it’s an all-day thing.”
“What is Billy doing?”
“Playing the drums.” Henry wasn’t paying attention to his story. He was
looking at my diary; a ruby had caught the lamplight.
“At the soccer game?”
“Uh…” Henry came to and realized his mistake. “Yeah, he’s in the band.
It’s a big game—the last game! I should really be there—for Billy.”
“I think you should, too.”
“Really?” The surprise in his voice at my agreement spurred him on.
“Well, since it lasts the whole day, Billy invited me to stay over. Can I,
please?”
“Is Billy’s mom okay with it?” I knew there was no Billy, or Billy’s
mom.
“Oh, yes!”
“Then I see no reason why not. I trust you enough to behave at someone
else’s house. Just come back early on Sunday.”
“Thanks, mom!” Henry ran back upstairs with his pizza.
“Take a jacket,” I shouted up to him, “and a sweater!”
“Okay!”
Depending on whether or not I get to say goodbye to him tomorrow
morning, that may have been the last time I see Henry. But I can’t cry. I have
to stay focused. If I’m right, and successful, I may conquer this cursed
persona and get my son back! He’s better off not being here for that,
especially if I’m wrong. But it’s still best for me to be alone.
And that means completely alone. There was a knock on my window as I was
fighting going to sleep. My grip tightened around my diary, and I got off my
bed to open the window for Graham.
“You can’t come in tonight.” I caught him with his leg in mid-raise to
swing over my window sill.
“Why not?”
“I’m going to take a night for myself.”
“What book is that?” He nodded to my diary.
“It’s just something I’m reading.” I raised a hand to close my window. “Now
go sheriff, or something. This town needs you.”
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