When
is a Queen not a Queen?
When
she’s overpowered,
Vulnerable
or a coward,
She
will step back and instead
She
without magic will be the head.
And
so to depose her,
The
Queen surely knows that
The
best gift is one that is seen.
This poem was bound with the other poem
about the directions to my safe haven. They’re both part of a compilation of
riddles I found shortly after arriving here. They act as an instruction manual
to surviving the curse until or if the savior arrives. Until yesterday, I didn’t
know what it meant.
It is only through dumb luck that I’m able
to write in you now. For most of a day, I have been Regina Mills of
Storybrooke, as though I wasn’t the one who cast the spell and was trapped in a
miserable life like everyone else here.
It began with my visit to Dr. Hopper’s
yesterday morning. I promised Graham I would go to help remember my attacker. The
doctor’s red hair and raspy voice weren’t things I recognized, but he did bring
up my conscience once or twice. That’s when I knew the curse had brought that
pesky cricket spy in human form. He had a fine Dalmatian there named Pongo, who
was friendly enough.
I gave him the details of what happened: I
was attacked in the rain by a man who yelled questions at me until he ran off
after Graham fired his gun. Dr. Hopper suggested hypnotizing me to help me
remember. I didn’t want to do that. In such a vulnerable state, I might reveal
more than what pertained to this situation. But the doctor assured me this was
safe and controlled, so I reluctantly agreed.
Drifting into the trance was easier than I
expected. I felt awake, just very relaxed. Dr. Hopper spoke and I willingly
responded to him.
“We’re going back to the night you were
attacked. You’ve finished work. What’s happening?”
“I’m leaving my office. It’s night time.
It’s starting to rain. I’ve got a long walk back to my—“
I was back on the pavement. Rain was
pounding my face in total darkness. His hands fit perfectly around my neck and
they’d only ease with the chance for me to answer his questions. I grabbed onto
his hands to try to pull them away.
“Is he there?”
I tried to nod yes.
“Can you see him?”
“No!” It’s hard to form sentences and get your point across when you’re
being strangled. I could only speak after I fought to take in air. “Dark! Rain
right—in my—eyes!”
“Focus
on what else you can sense: his voice? His hands?”
“His voice—is young!” I was excited to be
able to remember that. “His hands—smell!”
“What do they smell like?”
I shook my head. I couldn’t recognize it,
but it was a familiar scent from back home; musty and almost like medicine. But
I didn’t want to look anymore. My attacker was strangling me longer this time.
“Graham—“
“No, Graham’s not going to fire his gun
until you see who’s attacking you.”
“I—can’t—see anything!”
“I want you to try to see. Look through
the rain. What does his hair look like?”
All I could do was shake my head and try
to pull his hands away from my neck. The pressure of his hands was too much.
The rain in my eyes was too much. The darkness was too much. The gunshot I’d
heard before wasn’t coming this time. I couldn’t make any sounds anymore. My
grip on his hands began to fail.
“You’re not there anymore!” Dr. Hopper’s
voice broke in and the rain stopped. “His hands are leaving your throat! Do you
feel them leaving your throat?”
I took in the largest breath of air I
could and followed it up with a few good coughs until I could breathe steady
again. Once I nodded approval, Dr. Hopper spoke again in his soothing voice.
“That moment’s over now. All that’s here
now are Regina Mills and the sound of my voice.
I’m going to count to three. When I reach three, I’m going to snap my
fingers and you’ll be back in my office. One, two, three.”
SNAP!
It felt like a dream. Everything had a
sort of bright haze about it. I was in my body, but I was not in control. There
was another presence with me who was now in charge. This was the Regina of
Storybrooke who everyone knew.
Dr. Hopper asked if I was all right. I
tried to say no, but what I wanted to do didn’t matter. Regina Mills said she
was fine. I tried to scream and yell that she was wrong, but nothing happened.
Regina Mills of Storybrooke remained composed and thanked Dr. Hopper for trying
to help. He offered Regina another session, but she declined and left.
Regina walked us down the street. I tried
yelling some more. I asked her if she knew I was here. If she knew I was in
here, could she give me a sign or say something? She did nothing. I tried this
for quite a while until I was convinced she had no idea who I was.
But I knew who she was. Glimpses of her
memories were shown to me. The only memories we shared were of things I’d done
in this town since the curse began, only through her perspective. This Regina
knew Dr. Hopper and could remember when he first opened his practice in town.
She knew his dog, Pongo, too. She didn’t like Pongo—or any animals—very much.
We went to see Graham at the station, who
she’d known since her father introduced them shortly after he was promoted to
sheriff. They’d been seeing each other secretly since she was in college,
because they both knew her father would have never approved. He took us to the
courthouse. It was already time for the trial over Regina’s car hitting who I
knew to be Charming, but she knew to be someone else. We saw the DA, Albert Spencer, who Regina had known since she was a little girl. Albert told her he was
the prosecution, but assured her this would be quick and he was only doing his
job. Regina was sociable with the man and insisted she didn’t recognize the man
she hit. But she did.
She represented herself before the judge. In
the audience was Kathryn, her best friend since they were sorority sisters.
Regina chose not to look at her while she told the judge Katherine’s husband
ran out in front of her car in an attempt to kill himself. Of course, she
omitted David Nolan’s name and said she didn’t recognize him at all. Few people
would have, after all. He’d only barely come home with his regiment from
overseas. His looks had matured so much since he’d been gone and he hadn’t left
his house since he came home. Kathryn said they’d been arguing for days and
he wasn’t himself. Regina left all of this out and managed to convince the
judge that she was innocent. Albert’s purposefully feeble attempts at prosecution
and lack of evidence made it a quick trial. The charge against Regina was
dropped and her license was intact.
Regina’s house had a different feel now.
This was not originally her house. The living room was the hardest to be in.
Over a year ago, Regina walked into her father’s house to find her father dead
on the floor with a gunshot wound to the heart. His blood was everywhere.
Standing beside his body was a woman holding the gun, covered in his blood and
crying so hard no sound came from her. She was in the asylum now. The carpet
had been replaced. No one could replace her father.
“You’ve done so well.” Kathryn gave her
a supportive hug. “Your father would be so proud of you.”
We left. Regina wore the same coat she
wore on Thursday when she went to visit her father’s grave. I saw a quick
vision of what she remembered about wearing that coat last. My safe haven
conveniently not part of it.
The Rabbit Hole is the busiest bar in
town. It’s also the only bar in town. It was filled with two kinds of people:
those who didn’t like Regina and those who tolerated Regina because of
Kathryn. She was very aware of this and it did bother her, but when you’re
the richest woman in town, few people give you trouble.
Regina offered to pay for their drinks
once the bartender brought them over. She pulled out the change from her coat
pocket and found a coin with purple swirling smoke and the face of a man
smiling at her. He looked alive. Regina shrieked and her change went all over
the floor.
Just like that, I was back! The Regina of
Storybrooke vanished and I got off my stool and searched frantically for
Daniel’s coin. I found it before anyone else saw what it was. I came back up
with the remainder of my normal change for the bartender.
“What was that about?” Kathryn laughed
and had clearly not seen what was so special about that coin.
“I
thought I saw a spider.” My coin went back in my pocket.
Kathryn shrieked and giggled before
raising her wine glass to toast.
“You defended yourself today without any
help.” She neglected Mr. Spencer’s deliberately weak prosecution. “Cheers to
finding out more about yourself.”
“I’ll toast to that.” I clinked my wine
glass to hers and drank to the truth of her words.
