Friday, August 9, 2013

Sunday, October 11th, 1987

     Vivian invited me over for afternoon coffee. I brought over some apple turnovers, which I thought she might enjoy with her bacon. There was a break between the rain storms, so we sat on her front porch. The steam rose and swirled from our cups as we sat and discussed the curse. After a pause in our conversation, Vivian changed the subject.
     “Marco proposed to me again last night. This time, I said yes.”
     I rested my palm against the warmth of my mug and stared down into the coffee. “He won’t be happy. He can’t be, here. Not completely. You understand that, right?”
     “We make each other happy.”
     “But you can’t stay happy.” I looked at her, knowing she wasn’t begging me. “The curse will find a way to upset that.”
     “I know and so does he.” She held out a reassuring hand. “He doesn’t know, but I’ve told him about my illness. I’ve joked before and said I’d probably die the day before our wedding day.”
     “That’s not a very funny joke.”
     “No, it isn’t, your Majesty. But sometimes I think the only thing that’s kept me alive is not agreeing to marry him.”
     The rain started falling again. We stayed outside under her porch’s cover. The chill in the air from the rain made our coffee that much warmer.
     “You haven’t completely swayed me in your opinion about the curse.” I reached for the turnovers and served one to Vivian. “It makes sure that the people of this town stay miserable because I want them to be miserable.”
     Vivian chuckled and dug into her turnover.
     “But I don’t want you to be miserable,” I said. “I have some things that might be able to help you.”
     Vivian sat back in her chair and smiled at me. I didn’t have to tell her I still had three pieces of magic I could use to help her. Daniel’s coin was protecting me from the other Regina, and I’d already used another piece to keep Owen’s father asleep. It was risky, but the other three pieces could potentially keep her here longer.
     “Nothing can rid me of my cancer, your Majesty, even if you had magic of your own here. I’ve had it for too long.” It wasn’t pride that was frustrating to me. Pride was something I knew how to overcome in others. Vivian had resolve and that was something I couldn’t rid her of. I thought of something else.
     “But still, I want you to be happy. I have some things of my mother’s…”
     “Have you been looking for my heart? You won’t find it among your things.” She put a hand to her chest. “It’s in here.”
     “Most people who’ve had their heart taken don’t know it. Others can even hear it beating if they listen.”
     “Your mother never took my heart. She took my husband’s. He was different once he was promoted to general of the royal army. He wasn’t the same to me. He didn’t treat any of our children with the same amount of affection. But he was the same, intellectually. Your mother had plans that he carried out, but his sensibilities eventually won out and he defied her one day. He refused to sacrifice more lives for her plans. He was dead the next day.”
     Now it was time for me to sit back in my chair.
     “No one can defy the one who has their heart.” I said.
     “They can, my Queen, but it is rare. It takes great strength of character and great support from those who truly love them.” Her cup was empty. She rolled it around in her hands as she thought back. “I tried to convince myself that’d she’d taken my heart, too. But there’s an absence of feeling when your heart is missing. I felt rage when I couldn’t go after the Queen. I felt resentment and anger that Cinderella looked so much like her father and reminded me what a trap my life was. I felt desperation with the knowledge of my illness and the desire of wanting my daughters to be taken care of. And I felt remorse when I became myself here.”
     We were quiet for a long time as the rain continued to fall. No one had touched my heart like Vivian had in a very long time. The knowledge that this time was ending, paired with the fact that I could do nothing about it, upset me greatly.
     “You are my friend.” I reached out my hand and put it on hers. “If I can’t help you, what can I do for you?”
     “Be happy for me.” She smiled. “And come to my wedding.”
     So I did. It was very small and held in the church. I was there for Vivian and so was Ashley. Vivian’s other daughters were there as well, although they acted like being present was a hassle for them. The men they were with seemed respectful enough and I recognized one of them as the baker. Dr. Hopper was there for Marco, as well as his dog. Vivian wore a nice white dress with a blazer and a lovely white hat. Marco was the best dressed I’d ever seen him, in a grey suit that looked like it was made just for this day. They looked so happy, standing in front of all of us and before Mother Superior. The sun was shining through the windows of the church, casting blues and reds over all of us. When Mother Superior pronounced them married, everyone clapped as Marco kissed his bride. Vivian was so happy and that made me happy for her.
     There wasn’t much of a reception. We all went back to Vivian’s house for dinner. Everyone had prepared something beforehand. I brought lasagna, of course, but I think everyone was pleasantly surprised at the roasted chickens Dr. Hopper had prepared. And the baker had prepared a lovely but modest cake. When dinner was over, Vivian’s daughters and their companions left quickly. Doctor Hopper and Marco went to relax and talk on the porch, while Ashley tossed a ball for Pongo. Vivian and I chatted in the living room.
     “We’re going to keep both residences,” Vivian responded to my question of where they would live. “But we’ll primarily live here. Someday, after I’m gone, Marco will probably move back to his house and Ashley can have this one.”
     I smiled. I was genuinely happy for her in this moment. Through the window, Dr. Hopper called for his dog. Pongo barked and ran up to him so he could put his leash on, and the two walked down the lit street.
     “It’s late.” I stood up. “Your wedding was beautiful, but it seems it’s time I left you to your husband for the evening.”
     Vivian stood up and led me to the door. Marco stepped inside and he and Ashley began to clean up in the kitchen. Before I walked out, she stopped me one more time.
     “Marco will someday wake up and remember who I was, but he’ll also remember who I was to him. This is an opportunity to show what kind of queen you really are before the savior arrives.”
     I couldn’t think of anything to say at that moment, but I thought of so many ways to respond. Initially, I thought she was wrong. The only one who’s supposed to be happy here was me, but maybe she was onto something? If I could put plans into action to make the people’s lives better, then, if the savior arrived, they wouldn’t even want her. What a revenge that could be! I imagined Snow White trying to take arms up against me, but everyone in town choosing me instead. Then I’d be the hero who put the good people of my kingdom under this curse to protect them.
     I wanted to talk about this with Vivian, but she was also newly married. I felt the least I could do was give her and Marco the weekend to celebrate. So I went to her house on Monday after work, but Marco answered the door and turned me away. I protested, but he seemed genuinely upset and insisted she was tired. I went back the next day to have Ashley answer the door and tell me the same thing. By the third day, when they wouldn’t let me in, I called for the ambulance to take Vivian to the hospital. By the end of the day, Dr. Whale told all of us that Vivian was not doing well. He did his best to suggest Marco make preparations.
     I went back to work the next day, but couldn’t do much of anything. I was dumbfounded by how fast the cancer was taking her now. I took the rest of the day off before lunch and went straight to the hospital, but it wasn’t enough. By the time I arrived in the waiting room, Ashley was crying in Dr. Hopper’s arms. Marco arrived in the waiting room, having just come from Vivian’s room. He saw me. He clearly had been crying but now his eyes had run out of tears. He walked over to me and took my hands in his.
     “She is gone.” He said. And he wept again.

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