Friday, June 7th, 1991

     It’s taken me this long to admit to myself that I am ready to be a mother. The pain of losing my baby has been difficult to get past and I don’t think it will ever really vanish, but I want to raise a child. Clearly, natural childbirth is not an option, which leaves adoption as my only choice.

     Adoption is a problem of its own. When I cast the curse, I made it so no child would need to be adopted. Even though I believe the adults from my kingdom deserve to suffer for their treachery, I’ve come to believe that children don’t deserve as strong of a punishment. They are not at fault for what their parents do, and even though they have the potential to make those same mistakes, for a certain span of time, they are innocent. Because of that, I made it so every child in Storybrooke would have a home. Granted, they might not always be the happiest of homes, but no child is homeless or hungry. Not bad for an evil queen.

     Perhaps I should have just taken all of the children out of the Enchanted Forest to live away from the adults, but I don’t think that would have been effective. I tried that once as queen, by hiring a musician to do that for me, but it didn’t work out so well.

     That being said, things have changed since we first arrived. People have died and it has caused the town to make adjustments. One of them had children, and the nuns of Storybrooke opened the town’s first orphanage. The Sisters only have two orphans who are ready to have a new parent, but as much as I want to be a mother and they seem my only option, I’ve been hesitant.

     When Deputy Sanchez died, only a few witnessed it and it corrected a great problem with the curse. Therefore, it was easy for the curse to wipe most everyone’s memory of him without affecting anyone. However, when Dory Zimmer was killed at the television station, many people witnessed it. Also, taking away television only seemed to solve a problem for Sidney, not correct an imperfection in the curse. We still can hear the radio sometimes, as well as get subscriptions to magazines. Dory left behind two children, a brother and sister, but they are not my first choice. After all, her children were the only child targets of my curse.

     I’m still going back and forth about how much I really want to become a mother again. Would it just be easier to kill another parent and take their child? Of course, but people might find out. These two are really the best option.

     My desire to be a mother won out today. I went to the Sisters’ orphanage and spoke with Mother Superior. We sat in her office, in two fluffy chairs that faced each other. One of the Sisters brought us hot tea and Mother Superior prepared a cup for me. Despite her warmth, I could sense that I was not completely welcome. I took a sip from the cup she handed me and braced myself for the interview.

    “There have been several interested parties.” Mother Superior poured tea into a tiny china cup for herself before sitting down. “But most want just the boy or the girl. We believe it would be best to keep them together.”

     “I agree.”

     “They’ve grown very accustomed to being here. The church is an important part of their lives.” She kept her hands folded in her lap while the steam from her neglected tea cup swirled beside her. “I haven’t seen you attend a service in quite some time. It’s important to us as well as to the children that whoever adopts them continues to keep the church in their hearts. Would you do that as their mother?”

     I found it funny that if it wasn’t for me, none of the people in this town would even follow this religion, including the Sisters. If she was aware of how many people I converted from the religion of our old world to the religion of this one, she might give me a break.

     “Of course.”

     She was hesitant. To be fair, I was too. We both knew this was going well. The nun who had brought the tea in returned to take our empty cups and Mother Superior whispered something in her ear before she left.

     “We will handle this cautiously. You will have the children for a trial basis of three months to see if you are a good match. This is for their benefit as well as yours. During this time, one of the Sisters will be assigned to visit you once a week to see how things are progressing. At the end of the trial period, if she decides you will make a good match, then the adoption process can begin. Do you agree to this?”

     “I do.”

      Mother Superior called for her door to be opened and a different nun came into the room with the brother and sister. The children who were once Hansel and Gretel were introduced to me as Nick and Ava Zimmer. The nun who brought them before me had a hand on a shoulder of each child. Mother Superior introduced her as Sister Astrid. She would be the one checking in on us. The nun giggled, curtsied and offered a hand for me to shake. Nick and Ava were shy, but smiled and greeted me when I introduced myself to them.

     “How would you like to live with me?” I asked. This time, I was given a different answer.

     “We’d like that, Miss Mills.” Ava spoke on behalf of both of them.

     I took them home and showed them where they’d be sleeping. Right now, they just look like guest rooms, but I told them we would start making them look like their own rooms tomorrow. We had a quiet but nice dinner before they went to bed. I never expected to forgive Hansel and Gretel for betraying me, but wiping their memories might be the thing we all needed. I think this was a good idea after all.