Monday, November 6th, 1989

     I still haven’t told anyone about the pregnancy. The only people who know are Kathryn, Graham and the hospital. Storybrooke General follows a strict code of conduct, but Dr. Whale insists everyone stay silent on the matter until it’s very obvious that I am pregnant, which seems odd but is fine by me.

     No one knows about my engagement to Graham, either. Not even Kathryn. I still can’t believe I said yes. We haven’t set a date to actually marry yet. If Dr. Whale’s calculations were correct and I was pregnant for six weeks when I first saw him, then I should give birth in the middle of May. At least I think that’s when it will happen. Since we’re not aging, I’m not sure how long this pregnancy will last before I give birth.

     The pregnancy and Graham aren’t the only things I’ve been concerned with. Sidney’s been bothering me again about television. Today he insisted on bringing it up at lunch.

     “What do you expect us to do, Sidney?”

     “Let’s take the tower down.”

     “We’ve spoken of this before. We can’t just take it down.” I admire his passion, but Sidney’s not usually so reckless.

     “We have to do something. Have you been paying attention to the news? Have you seen what’s been going on in East and West Germany?”

     “Sort of. I’ve been busy.”

     “Well, it’s big. People are gathering and becoming agitated over there. Have you taken a look around here lately? It’s as if there’s a link between the unrest on television and the unrest here. Some people are getting restless. I think they’re planning on rioting.”

     “Rioting? Where do they think we are?” I’ve dealt with revolts before as queen. I was able to end them, usually with arrows and fire. That’s not the way to handle things here, but the last thing I need is another library situation to deal with.

     “I know what you’re thinking,” Sidney said, “but we don’t have to completely get rid of television. There’s still the local station. We can build that up and have it air whatever you want, just like the paper.” He leaned in. “I know how we can get episodes of Hibiscus Hollow.”

     That was all I needed. “You have my permission to look into this. Do what you need to do, even if the people do riot. Even chaos can be guided.”

     I had my first ultrasound after work, today. I didn’t know what that was, but the doctor told me that you can tell the sex of the child by the eleventh week. I saw some of what Sidney was talking about on my drive to the hospital. The clouds above were threatening lightning and rain and people were walking to and from their destinations. I stopped at the corner by the electronics store. Televisions filled the front window and glowed a commercial in unison for a restaurant we don’t have here. Then the news came on and everyone walking by stopped and faced the televisions. The broadcast showed people were in fact gathering in Germany. One of the men watching the news raised a fist in the air and shouted something. He turned, and Leroy and I locked eyes before I sped off.

    It was a relief to get to Storybrooke General. Once the nurse took me into my room, I got in my gown and waited on the table. Dr. Whale came in a little while later. He’s been my doctor during my pregnancy and is very dedicated in seeing me to term. I can’t imagine he deals with too many pregnant women. If there’s one thing he understands, it is discretion. At the doctor’s suggestion, Graham came in about thirty minutes after me so as not to raise suspicion.

     “Let’s get started, shall we?” Dr. Whale was very calm as he explained what he would do and how the machine would work. He squeezed some goo on my stomach and turned on the machine. He grabbed a device from the console that he called a trans-something and placed it on my stomach. It made a roaring sound as he moved it around. The doctor pointed to the monitor, which had once been black. Now it was full of little white dots, and they formed the outline of an infant. “There it is!” Lightning flashed through the window. “There’s the heart beat. Do you hear it?” A steady beat rose above the roar.

     In the weeks previous, I had accepted what was happening to me. I’d allowed myself to believe that this was not some illusion by the curse. But now, being able to see and hear my child made the whole thing finally real and wonderful to me.

     “Yes.” My voice faltered, but I got it out. I was so happy. Tears came down my face and my smile was so big it made my face hurt. I reached out my hand to Graham. He took it, but my happiness faded as when I saw the look on his face.

     I knew that look. His lips formed a smile he knew he should have because that’s what someone who loves their child would have. He stared at the monitor because that’s what someone with a heart would do. But there was no emotion there. It was the look my mother gave me all of my life.

     “You’re happy for our child, right?” This was something I never thought I’d ask, but there I was in the bed at home after the doctor’s visit. I’m still not physically ready to do much, but I’m willing to make Graham give me a massage.

     “Of course.”

     “Are you sure?”

     “Yes.” He hands gave me one last rub before he got off the bed. “Have you thought of names yet?”

     “I like Daniel.” I sat up and faced him. “Or Danielle if it’s a girl.”

     “I thought maybe Hunter or Wolf.” Of course he would.

     “My child will not be named Wolf, but Hunter might be a good middle name.” His occupation beat Daniel’s. “Stableboy” just doesn’t sound as confident.

     Graham smiled that empty smile again and went out the window. I haven’t been able to fall asleep since.